aboutTo be afraid of oneself is the final horror. c.s. lewis. I'm done being afraid.
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previously...I have breast cancer. - 2009-12-25
No internet and staying sober and all that. - 2008-01-17
Here I am. - 2007-11-11
These days. - 2007-07-05
Building a new house and in a bad place in my head. - 2007-05-17
Three strikes you're out and insomnia.Between being busy and not having any privacy...I haven't had alot of time to update. Not that there's been anything really worth writing about. No drama. No problems. No upsets. Other than the stuff I expected....life has been pretty laid back.
B and I are doing great. We're working on getting some bills paid off. I'm stashing a little of my tip money here and there for Christmas. I don't have a whole lot saved...but something is better than nothing.
SHE has been working for about a month and is on HER third job. SHE didn't have HER rent money when SHE was supposed to for the second payday in a row. SHE started dating this chick and now spends more time laying out of work than SHE does going to work. And we had a come to jesus meeting about it. I caught HER being not so honest last week. SHE was over at chicks house and HER job called here to tell HER that they'd found someone to cover HER shift. SHE called here and I flat out asked HER if SHE was layin out of work again. SHE said yeah cause SHE was just sooo tired. There was more to the conversation and with the being not so honest, but I'm not gonna go into details about it. When we were all talking...I told HER that since SHE'S started with this chick that SHE'S been laying out of work more than SHE'S been going and that I knew SHE was laying out of work. And that its not gonna fly. SHE gets a third chance...kinda a three strikes you're out deal. B and I have talked alot about the situation. And believe it or not...I haven't been defending HER. Those days are long over. Over the course of this three day weekend for me...I've called HER on alot of shit. We'll see if anything changes. If there are no positive changes....then there WILL BE CHANGES.
For the first time in our relationship, I was invited to a family event in B's family. And it went great. Dinner and a board game with her parents and her sister and bro in law. And now her mom says for us to drop by anytime. Its a start. And inviting me and welcoming me into her home was a big step for her mom.
My insomnia has been raging. I can't seem to really fall asleep. I doze off, then wake up. I have a hard time even dozing off. And its kicking my ass. Thursday night I sat in bed crying I was so tired and couldn't get to sleep. Its really frustrating. I'll be so damn exhausted but unable to sleep. I don't understand it. If I'm tired, I should be able to fall asleep. All B has to do in order to go to sleep is close her eyes. It takes an act of congress for me to get any sleep. I finally crashed Saturday night and slept for eleven hours. But I don't want to live like that again. Staying awake for damn near a week and then crashing. If anyone out there in cyber land has ANY ideas or advice for sleeping that doesn't include drinking myself into oblivion and passing out (been there, done that) please feel free to share. The over the counter sleeping stuff and the prescription stuff like ambien and lunesta doesn't work for me. I may as well be eating reecey pieceys.
I reckon thats bout all for this time. I hope everyone out there is doing great.
Until next time, take care of yourself...and each other.
posted @ 3:03 a.m. on 2005-10-11
not that ugly