DykeInside

I've got to do what is probably gonna be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.
I'm cutting my best friend loose. Everyone who knows me knows my best friend is a gay, HIV positive guy. We've been best friends for over ten years. He's also an alcoholic and a drug addict. Anyone who knows me should also know that I wouldn't walk away from someone just because of an addiction. The problem is the ongoing drama that his alcoholisim and drug addiction causes and the way he's brought all this into my life. He was doing so good for so long. Only pulling his drunks maybe once every three months or so. Its gotten much worse.
This is what happened. B and I were on vacation last week. We went away together for the week. I called him a few times and he acted like everything was just fine. He called a few hours after we got back and told me that him and his lover were fighting. Then he proceeds to tell me that his lover has called the law and that they're on their way over to arrest him and asks me to please come get him. I get on the phone with his love and ask him to please not have him arrested and tell him that I'll come get him. I'm right in the middle of cooking dinner for B and myself. Instead of feeding my wife who is extremely hungry...I shut the food off and B goes with me over to their house....which is a good forty minutes away. We get over there and lover is saying he's done, that this is the last straw, that he's filing eviciton papers and having the locks changed and that he means it this time. My best friend is saying he's done, that he won't step foot back into that house except to get his belongings. Lover tells me that my best friend got the pills that he abuses on Tuesday. That he was out by Saturday morning and that was when he started drinking. One thing I should mention about these pills is that he gets his prescriptions in monthly supplies. He goes in and gets enough to last for a FULL month. He takes them all in less than a week. And nine times out of ten, he's drinking along with popping the pills and just starts drinking even more when he's out of pills. I take my best friend to the back of the house to get him some clothes. He's throwing God and everything into his bag. Fifteen toothbrushes, every pair of underwear and socks he owns, three pairs of jeans and A T SHIRT. He starts snatching stuff off the walls to take with him. B is in the other room talking to his lover and his lover tells her his version of what happened. We finally get in the car to leave and my best friend starts trying to talk us into going to the club. Telling us he'll pay our way in and all that. We didn't feel like going to the club. I already had a severe headache and had planned to eat and lay down before he called. B has a swollen gland in her eye and her eye is swollen and hurting and she's hungry and tired. We get to our house and my sister who lives across the street has company that is leaving. He starts trying to call them over. The people he's hollering at and telling to come over are CHILDREN. No more than twelve years old. I tell him to shut up and go inside and stop calling those people, that they're kids who don't need to see this. He goes in the house and drops his crap all over my house, with me trying to tell him not to leave certain things on the floor cause my dogs will run off with them. He gets on the phone with a friend of ours who lives in DC and tells him his version of what happened, tells DC that he's getting his shit together to move there to DC with him. Gets DC all riled up. My best friend had me and DC both making phone calls to find him help to move, drive a u-haul, find a storage room and all that kinda stuff. We finally get a generalized plan together and DC goes to bed with a plan of action put together. My best friend starts calling around to find someone to take him out. He asks me if I'll take him to the club and drop him off and he'll find a way back to our house. I tell him I'm not going ANYWHERE for the rest of the night. I try to discourage him from even going out. He calls some dude he's been talking the worst kinda shit about and tries to talk to this guy like they're all buddy buddy. In his drunken state....he doesn't seem to realize that all these people he's calling trying to get to take him out are all blowing him off. I forgot to mention the part where he lied RIGHT TO MY FACE right after we got back to my house and I got him inside. First thing he did after he dropped all his shit was ask me for a beer. I told him I didn't have any beer. He apparently didn't believe me...started saying shit like "you know I haven't had anything to drink in weeks". While he's standing in my kitchen drunk as hell. I watched him throw beer bottles around his own damn house before we left. I'm fussing at him to watch his cigarette. He's got a bad habit of dropping lit cigarettes and burning holes in carpets and furniture when he's drunk. We just got new furniture and neither B nor I wanted cigarette holes in our new furniture.
Anyways, he finally decides to call a cab to take him out. He's broke as hell. Done spent all his money. Gonna write a check. Which means he's gonna write a bad check. I can't force him to stay and I can't talk him out of going. He doesn't have a key to get back in so we agree to leave our house unlocked while we sleep so he can get back in. He leaves....AND DOESN'T COME BACK. By four the next afternoon, I had already called everyone I knew to call, called the hospitals and called the jail. Nobody has seen hide nor hair of him. His lover is at work and not answering his cell. No one is answering at his house. Bout four thirty...he finally calls. Said he went home and lover let him in even though he'd told me he wasn't letting him in if he showed back up there. So I worried myself sick about where he ended up at and neither one of them thought it important enough for someone to let me know that he'd gone back over there. And now they're acting like none of this ever happened.
And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the drama, the lies and of feeling responsible for him. So...I'm cutting him loose. I don't know what else to do. He needs help. He won't get help. His lover is calling the cops and throwing him out one minute, and acting like everything is hunky dorey the next minute. I'm tired of being drug into the middle of all of this. Everyone else blows him off, but without fail I go and get him everytime to save him from one thing or another. I can't save him.
I think they're planning to come get his stuff tonite. I'm still trying to figure out how to do this. I don't know if I should SAY something...or just give them his stuff and then stop taking his calls. To be honest, I don't know if saying anything would even do any good.
I hate feeling like this.

posted @ 10:22 a.m. on 2007-04-10

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