DykeInside

Once again, its been way too long. In all honesty, I just haven't had time. And what time I do have, I'm exhausted. My insomnia is raging full force. I was awake for almost four days this week alone. Its not like the old days when I couldn't sleep and I always had a friend in town that was awake that I could go hang out with or could just sign online and people I knew would be online and could keep me company. My friends all sleep like normal people now. And I get online so seldom anymore that I've lost touch with just about everyone that I talked to back then. So I wander around the house looking for stuff to do. Sleeping pills aren't working again. Night before last, I took two ambien and four sleeping pills. You'd think I'd be ass out but NOOOOOOO. I'm still wide awake. I finally fell asleep about eleven last night, but was up at two thirty.
Anyways, some changes in our house plans. We're still building, but we cut down on the size of the house. I found a bigger piece of land that I want. Its five and a quarter acres. Still only ten minutes away, just ten minutes in the other direction. We cut out one of the bedrooms in our original floor plan and shrunk the living room size. Still a big kitchen and a huge master bedroom and family room. Two other bedrooms, one that we'll use for a study. According to the builders, we should be ready to move in end of August. I'm not getting my hopes up. Seems like its always something. But we're ready for it. Already started packing up things we don't use that often.
I talked to my Florida friend some about some of the other things that were going on. And after talking to her, I really had to stop and think about alot of things. B and I have had several really long talks since then, one where I really broke down. Anyone who knows me will know how hard it is for me to really break down and be completely honest and to some extent, completely lose it emotionally with another human being. I just....I guess snapped is the best word for it. I was just sitting there one Sunday night before I had to go to work and she started trying to pick a fight. And I lost it. Not in an angry sort of way either. More in an emotional sort of way. Last thing I said to her before I walked out the door for work that night was..."This is the last thing I wanted or needed to do before going to work. I can't keep doing this. Somethings gotta give." And I guess it really kinda freaked her out.
My job is definately a high stress job. I can see why people started going postal. Not to say that I'm gonna go postal...just saying I can understand it. I've once again bid on jobs I don't expect to get. I intend to keep trying to get out of that place or off of that shift. Its the people...not the job. I got a music player with a voice recorder. I record the asinine things they tell me I have to do as proof when I have to hannel bidness. One supervisor made the HUGE mistake of actually giving me a DIRECT order to not only do my job, but to do the job of the other person she had on my machine that particular week. And I questioned her bluntly. Asked her while recording if she was giving me a direct order to do my job and someone elses job too. Thats a big no-no under our contract. In order to make me do two people's jobs, she has to pay me two people's pay. She tries to force us to work without breaks and without sending lunch relief and if we leave off the machines go to on break or to lunch, she threatens to charge us with delaying the mail. That charge is grounds for dismissal. Its getting ugly at my job. And I'm not being the nice guy folks have come to expect me to be. I'm not gonna do things that I'm not paid to do. I won't work with someone who doesn't know what they're doing and the supervisor expect me to train them. I'm not a qualified or paid trainer. Lots of people are filing lots of complaints. Not just with the union, but with the EEO office and the Dept of Labor. Its gonna get worse before it gets better.
Thats about it for my life at the moment. I work, not sleep, play with the dogs and spend time with her when we have it. A pretty settled down kinda lifestyle now. Me. Of all people.

posted @ 9:36 a.m. on 2007-07-05

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